It's easy to make the right choices when you know exactly what you want
Know what you want
In order to make right choices for yourself you need to first become clear on what it is you want.
As the author of the book, change your brain, change your life, Dr. Daniel G. Amen explains:
“In order to be successful in the world, we need to have clearly defined goals. Specifically, we need to know who we are and what we want to accomplish in our relationships, at work, and within ourselves. when we know what we want, we are more likely to change our behaviour to get it; being goal-directed helps keep our behaviour and choices on track.”
Even though, this sound as common sense, it’s very often not commonly practiced.
Gaining clarity for your next step, this is the purpose of this training material.
Let me ask you:
Do you normally set goals?
Do you have a life plan?
Where do you want to be in a year time?
Where do you want to be in 5 years time?
Where do you want to be in 10 years time?
So what is it that you want? Here I am not talking about ‘nice to have’ what is the must for you? What do you truly desire?
Until you answer this question, forgetting all the doubts, fears, insecurities, excuses and all of the but-s
There’s no reason for you to continue this training until you fully answer this question.
ACTION: Here is what I want you to do, for the next 24 hours, review these questions and see what comes up for you.
Here are the questions I want you to be asking yourself:
What do I want?
What are my reasons for wanting to do this?
What are my reasons for wanting to own this?
What are the benefits of being this kind of person?
Which area of my life needs my immediate attention? (areas to consider: career, family, friends, partner, finances, wellness, health, social life, fun, home, faith, spirituality, work/life balance, retirement, time/task management, growth, personal development)
How will I know if everything in this area of my life (career, family, friends, partner, finances, wellness, health, social life, fun, home, faith, spirituality, work/life balance, retirement, time/task management, growth, personal development) is exactly as I would like it to be?
How will achieving my chosen goal enhance my life in each of those areas? (areas to consider: career, family, friends, partner, finances, wellness, health, social life, fun, home, faith, spirituality, work/life balance, retirement, time/task management, growth, personal development)
What is it that’s important to me about this goal?
What will it mean to me?
What will the benefit be?
Go even deeper and consider some of the questions from the book Motivation Manifesto from author Brendon Burchard:
What of my reality do I like and dislike?
What areas of my life have I been taking a backseat on, hoping they would get better but failing to change my own reality?
What would have to change - no, what would I have to change - in order to feel more engaged, enthusiastic, and fulfilled with my life?
The point is - if you don't have a clear plan you may end up somewhere you don't like.
Compare this to travelling without a map and not knowing the journey. You might get lost, you might end up anywhere.
The same as you use Sat-Nav to navigate during a trip, you can navigate in your life by setting up the goals for yourself - deciding on your destination
Many well known coaches adopted this exercise and renamed it. In coaching, this is called The wheel of life exercise, the principle’s the same.
Here’s the reason why so many coaches do use wheel of life exercise.
Benefit 1: It helps, by scoring areas with which need working on to stand out
Benefit 2: Use this exercise every 6 months and it’ll help you maintaining sense of balance in your life
Life is complex
I want you to keep your goal in mind and consider 8/10 most important areas of your life.
List them out, the areas you may want to consider: career, family, friends, partner, finances, wellness, health, social life, fun, home, faith, spirituality, work/life balance, retirement, time/task management, growth, personal development, hobby, emotion
I want you to score each of the chosen areas on scale 0 to 10, 0 being a totally dissatisfied and 10 being a totally satisfied - could not be any better
Which of these areas needs your immediate attention?
Is the goal you set for yourself make a significant improvement to this area?
Which of these areas will benefit as result of you accomplishing the goal you set for yourself?
The author o the book, change your brain, change your life, Dr. Daniel G. Amen explains he uses with his clients the exercise called One page miracle: “here’s how to develop your own OPM (One page miracle). Take one sheet of paper and clearly write the following main headings and subheadings:
Next to each subheading, write down what’s important to you in that area: write what you want, not what you don’t want. Be positive and write in the first person.”
What goal-setting can do for you
by setting goals you give yourself clear aims to channel your efforts and energy towards
by setting goals you give yourself purpose, direction and focus which will enhance your motivation
According to research people with written goals, are three times more likely to achieve them
Check-list for goal setting
Goal needs to have a date, otherwise it’s a dream. Set a specific time-frame for your goal
Goal must be congruent with your values. Your values are things that matter the most to you. If you have a goal incongruent with your values, it’ll not bring you happiness, joy neither satisfaction.
Goal must be written down. The act of writing your goal down will engrave it in your subconscious. Going back to focus and how your subconscious mind gets to work to deliver on what you focus on. Writing it down, will raise the chances for goal achievement
Goal must be reviewed regularly. Firstly, because your situation may change and what was important to you a year ago, due to circumstances and experiences may change. Secondly, regular review of your goal will form a good, healthy habit for you.
Goal must be specific. Do not set goals like I want to be confident, I want to be happy. It’s too vague and ineffective. Instead, dive deeper - what does being confident mean for you? What will it look like? What will being confident bring to you? What are the benefits?
Goal must be positive. Again, as mentioned earlier, you subconscious mind will get to work on delivering on what you’re focusing on, ensure you’re focusing on positive oppose to negatives.
Goal must be captured in the imagination. Imagine achieving your goal? What do you see? How do you feel? What can you hear? What are you saying to yourself? What are others saying to you? We will be looking into visualisation in the next steps, for now, simply imagine the day your goal turns into reality. Enjoy it.
Goal must be measurable. There must be a way you’ll be able to measure your progress and your goal. Measures by which you will know you’re on the track, you’re getting results you want. Think of it as measuring performance of your goal and yourself.
Goal must be challenging. Challenging enough to stretch you, to force you to grow. If your goal is too easy, you’ll get bored soon and may end up abandoning goal all together.
PROBLEMS SETTING GOALS?
ACTION: If you are new to personal development and have never set a goal for yourself, I want you to try these three options
1. If you are not sure what your goals are, consider this exercise. It is called Rocking chair exercise.
Consider it as time travel exercise.
I’ve got to warn you, you may find this exercise quite emotional.
Close your eyes, wander out into the future. Imagine you are at 80 years of age. Sitting in your rocking chair. You are happy and stress free. Tell yourself what has happened for you and what is still happening. Tell yourself all the amazing things you did, had and became. Remind yourself of all the things you have managed to accumulate in your life which are important to you. Tell yourself about fantastic life you led, amazing things you have done, the amazing places you have been. Amazing people you have met.
As you are picturing yourself at the older age, the things you want to accomplish will become apparent.
2. Simply list everything you want to Be, Do, Have
ACTION: Pull out blank sheet of paper and list everything that you want to be, everything that you want to have and everything that you want to do. Let your imagination run wild.
Once you finished with your list. Leave it and allow your mind to work on it for the whole next day, every time something new pops into your mind, add it on.
REMEMBER, at the start of this module, I gave you questions to ask yourself for next 24 hours, return to your answers now.
The chances are you end up with really long list, so what we’ve got to do next is to reduce it. And you do so by asking questions from the start of this module for every single one thing you do want to be, have or do.
This will help you clarify what is worth of pursuing.
According to author of the best selling book 13 things mentally strong people don’t do, Amy Morin:
“If your goal is to be more outgoing, behave in a friendly manner. If you want to be a successful salesperson, study how successful salespeople behave and then do what they do. You don’t necessarily have to wait until you feel like it or until the right time comes, start changing your behaviour now.”
Identify - who you want to be, who you want to become and proactively work on becoming that person.
3. List everything you do not want
For many of us, when we asked question - what it is we want, it’s much easier to consider and answer what we don’t want. And that is fine. If this is what may work better for you, do that, eliminate everything you don’t want. You may be reflecting back on your past situation, or you may be reflecting on your current situation. Use the time, you felt unhappy and dissatisfied and draw a line. It’ll leave you with what you do want.
The important part here is not to focus on what you don’t want. Yes, you list all the not wanted aspects of your life for this exercise only to help you clarify the opposite- what you do want. Then your focus needs to be directed on what you want.
I’ll be explaining in details focus and law of attraction in more details later on.
So now you’re clear on what it is you want let’s get to the next important puzzle of goal-getting.
Create your definition of success
This is a big one. If you asked 100 people what is their definition of success, you would hear 100 different versions.
We all have our own idea of what success looks like. It’s not all just full bank account and pretty cars even though it may be the way you see your success.
Others may describe their success as Sunday afternoon lunch spent with all of their family members.
It’s very important that you clarify what your definition of success is and how it relates to the goals you set for yourself.
Will the accomplishing of your goals bring you closer to the idea of success?
Again, if your set your goals according to someone else’s definition of success, for example: I want to get married before I turn 30 (because your mother kept drilling it into you), it does not mean it’ll bring you happiness.
You may find that you will amount to everything you ever wanted and still not feel happy and satisfied, in that case, chances are, so far you have lived someone else’s definition of success.
As per exercises above, where you have imagined you’re 80 years old looking back at your life, the same way you can create the definition of your success.
Look at the big picture, look at your life as whole not the circumstances you’re in right now.
What would I consider my biggest accomplishment be?
How would I know I have accomplished them?
In what best way I spent my time?
“When you know what you want, an you want it bad enough, you’ll find a way to get it” - Jim Rohn
How do you want to feel?
I want you now to consider, rather than thinking of your result as material reward, what if you thought of the way you want to feel as the result of achieving your goal?
The idea comes from author of the book Desire map, Danielle LaPorte, she suggests:
“What if, first, we got clear on how we actually wanted to feel within ourselves, and then designed out to-do lists?”
She continues explaining:
“When you’re clear on how you want to feel, your decision making gets to the heart of the matter. First, get clear on how you want to feel. Then, do stuff that makes you feel that way. When you get clear on how you want to feel, the pursuit itself becomes more satisfying. The quality of the journey and the destination begin to merge in your heart”
This is the ultimate way to leading a happy life. It’s also about creating the lifestyle you want for yourself.
No matter what your goal is, consider how it is going to make you feel once you accomplished it. What feeling is driving your goal?
“You’re not chasing the goal itself- you’re chasing the feelings that you hope attaining those goals will give you.” Danielle LaPorte
The point is to be constantly working towards what makes you feel good. Why, you may ask:
Well, it’ll increase your resilience and effectiveness. And that is undoubtedly what you need to achieving your goal.
Here’s what’s important here.
You get what you focus on
Author, Dr. Daniel G. Amen, explains in his book Change your brain, change your life:
“Focus on what you like a lot more than what you don’t like. The prefrontal cortex is intimately involved with focus, concentration, and attention span. What we attend to and focus on has a very significant impact on how we feel and act day to day. Focusing on what you like about your life and on what you like about others is a powerful way to keep your prefrontal cortex healthy.”
Therefore, without a doubt, once you clarify what you want this is where all your focus needs to be channeled.
Not towards negative thoughts of sorts - I am unlucky person, nothing ever works out for me, I don’t know how to get it…
These are the beliefs and distorted way of thinking which we will be reviewing later on. Your subconscious mind will work towards achieving the things you focus on.
For now, I want you to fully and intentionally focus on your desired outcome.
Revisit it now before we move on. Consider, what you’ve learnt about defining success for yourself and feelings you want to have.
Are you still happy and satisfied with your answers? If not, take more time to work on them clarifying what it is you want.
If you were to live a better, bolder, happier, fulfilling and more authentic life what would that be like?
What would you need to do on daily bases to live your desired life?
Example: work you dislike:
At some point, you need to start challenging yourself and examine, is this what you want for yourself - to remain for more than 40 hours a week doing job you dislike?
Or should you clarify and examine what job would give you fulfilment, joy, satisfaction and start making that transition?
Similar thing happened to me, for 3 years I worked on the same department, undertaken the whole team change, now the team runs smoothly and makes my job extremely simple. As I am someone who likes right amount of challenge, learning and seeing what I can accomplish - I started thinking of change. I slipped into comfort zone, stopped learning and stopped challenging my capabilities. Then opportunity arisen to step up to higher level management and I went for it.
The importance of focus is probably the best way described in the book written by Mark Rhodes, Think your way to success where he explains:
“we’ve got the conscious and the subconscious parts of our mind. Now the subconscious mind can track millions of things at once, but the conscious mind can only track what we call ‘the rule of seven, plus or minus two things’ at once. What that means is, it can track on average between five and nine things at the same time.”
He compares the subconscious mind to funnel, which decides what five to nine things are going to be passed to our conscious mind. It decides based on your beliefs, values, experiences, personal rules… (all of these we will be covering later on)
“The prefrontal cortex is the most evolved part of the brain. As such, it is essential in helping you reach your goals. To review, the prefrontal cortex is involved with concentration, attention span, judgment, impulse control, and critical thinking. It controls your ability to look at situations, organise your thoughts, plan what you want to do, and carry out your plans.”
It’s a choice
Once you are clear on your desire, once you know what it is you want for yourself, this will help you make right choices during the days.
We get distracted easily. In order to keep your focus on the price (your desired) life you need to be clear what that is. We make choices all the time. Every minute of the day is a builded from tiny choices we making constantly. Sometimes it could be small things you feel you have no choice over and sometimes it could even be a huge, important parts of our lives.
It is normally the consequences which stop us from choosing. What do I mean by it?
Let’s return to previous example. Remember, the one where you dislike your job.
I dislike my job. I am making a choice to stay in the job in spite of dislike I feel for it.
leaving job would mean I lose income
no income means I cannot pay rent
I cannot afford all the nice material things I can afford now
no income means no more holidays in exotic places
no income means I cannot treat my niece to nice presents
If all I focus on are all these consequences, no wonder I choose to remain in my job. And that is fine. Temporarily. What’s important to realise here is that even if you’re remaining in the job you dislike, it’s still the choice you’re making.
ACTION: I would like you to spend next 7 days examining:
In what areas of your life you are giving up your choice?
In what areas of your life, did you convince yourself, you have no choice?
What stories do you tell yourself to allow your poor choices to continue?
CREATE HABIT OF ASKING YOURSELF SOME GOOD QUESTIONS
Start to examine your life more by asking questions. Start asking yourself more questions not only as part of this course. Make it your daily practice. Your good habit.
What am I really about now?
What’s really important to me?
How do I want to feel?
What habits would I have to come up with and stick with to feel that way?
How shall I treat other people?
What am I grateful for?
What do I love about my life?
How can I improve daily?
How can I get closer to my desired life?
How can I show up as better me in my daly interactions?
How can I get 10% more productive?
What do I want to get better at in next 12 months?
Who needs my support?
Who’s support do I need?
Commit yourself for next 7 days to asking better questions and see how it works for you. Start making conscious choices in your life.
Before you move on any further, I’d like you to review your goal and ensure this is a goal you set for yourself, not the goal you think others would want for you.
What do I mean by it?
The starting point is, if you set goal that starts ‘I should…’ or the way you justify the goal to yourself starts with ‘I should…’, there’s a big chance this goal is not yours. This is goal you think you should strive for because it’ll make someone else happy, it’ll meet your social standards, it’s according to your personal rules or it the result of the belief you’ve help on for a while.
All of the above, we will discuss in more details in later modules, for now I really want you to review and ensure the goal is the one you truly want for yourself.
In life, whether you want to improve your life, improve particular skill, gain new knowledge, accomplishing goal, you have two choices. You can hope and do nothing or you can get to work by making small regular progress towards mastery.
Once you know what you want, how do you keep on track. How will you ensure that day in and out you work towards it? Recently I have written an article - How to follow through on any task or project. You’ve got to check it out.
There is a powerful tool, when applied will help you do just that
Even thought so far I went into more details about goal-setting, I want to assure you that further we will be looking into achieving goals. As much as it is important to know how to set the right goals for yourself, it is equally, if not more important, to understand how to stay motivated, persistent, disciplined and focus to actually achieve them.
The difference between setting and achieving goals
You may be wondering what makes the difference between setting and achieving goals. Why some people are great at achieving any goals they set for themselves while others set goals but never see them through?
You may even be talking from your own experience, the times when you set your own goals and let life pass. This is where many of us start beating ourselves up and think - 'well I’m such a loser, cant even follow through on my goals…’
Let me assure you, there is nothing wrong with you. As there is many components to goal setting, there is double as much components to goal achieving. No matter what your goal is, it most certainly requires for you to become different person too.
The goals you set for yourself may require of you developing of new skills, finding a new resources, changing your current behaviour, adapting new habits. And that is exactly what we will be looking into.
Virtually, setting goals is easy. I’d like to have my own house. I want to earn enough money to live money stress free life. I want to do job that fulfils me and validates me - daily. Goal setting starts with dreaming and it is easy to dream big. Don’t take me wrong. This is exactly where you need to start, in the land of dreams and handful wishes turning into your reality.
Goal achieving is whole new subject. This is where long hours and sleepless nights lie. This is where exhausted you is waiting, hustling, grinding, pursuing. This is where you’re spending less and less time with your loved ones because you’re drowning in the never-ending list of things to accomplish, cross off, get done.
So before you take on any of your big, giant dreams on, consider what is truly important and what you’re willing to sacrifice for it.
Self-monitoring and review
According to research, people who set goals and regularly review them, are 2.5 times more likely to achieve them, and more, according to researchers, goal review and monitoring is as important as setting up clear goal.
Of course, that is not to say that self-monitoring and review is not going to be hard. On the days you’ve not accomplished as much you may feel frustrated even depleted.
Without self-monitoring, your progress will be less consistent and you’ll advance slowly.
When you embark on new journey, set a new goal, start a new project, there’s always the risk that you’ll not do a good job, you may fail, you may screw up with that comes all sorts of emotions - guilt, embarrassment, sadness, frustration. This is why so many people never begin to work towards their goals, potential discomfort is greater than payoff. Later on we will be looking into dealing with failure and overcoming mistakes, so hang in there. For now I’ll leave you with this amazing quote:
“Sometimes the fastest way to get back in the game is to expect something from yourself again.” Brendon Burchard
Review and check in with yourself using these questions:
How will I know if what I’m doing is working?
What is a realistic time frame to see initial results?
What kind of results can I realistically expect to see within one week, one month, six months, and one year?
How will I know that I’m staying on track toward my goal?
The values are what’s important to us, what matters the most to us. Values drive action and they are ultimate guarantee of happiness, that is if we align our actions with out most important values.
Perhaps you’ve been wanting to find purpose of your life or happiness. Well, the answer is identify your values, set your goals in congruence with your values and you will find your purpose and happiness.
If the job you do is congruent with your values, you love it. It satisfies you. This is why knowing your own values - will be next important step you’ve got to take.
Look at how you spend your time, that will give you a good starting point for identifying your core values.
What’s most important to you about your goal?
What state would you do almost anything to avoid experiencing, happening?
Think of a time when you felt most fulfilled? Why was that?
Think of a time when you felt most happy?
What was a moment that touched you the most?
ACTION: Let’s try this now, list top 10 values. What are the values you most honour in your life? Think of the values that you hold dear. The important factors you would not compromise over.
Your values govern everything you do, decisions and choices you make. What you’re tolerating and what you’re not prepared to tolerate. How you treat others and how you let them treat you. How you treat yourself.
As a blogger and author of The subtle art of not giving a f*ck, Mark Manson puts it in his best selling book:
“Shitty values, involve tangible external goals outside of our control. The pursuit of these goals causes great anxiety. And even if we manage to achieve them, they leave us feeling empty and lifeless, because once they’re achieved there are no more problems to solve.”
This explains well why it’s important to align goals with values, so the end result do bring you satisfaction. It confirms what you’ve learnt about connection between goals and feelings. Remember?
Seek clarity endlessly
More clarity you have, better chance for success you give yourself. As author of High performance habits, Brendon Burchard puts it:
“By seeking clarity you develop a habit of asking questions, looking within, observing your behaviours, assessing whether you’re on track.”
He also explains:
“Clarity is not a personality trait that some are blessed to ‘have’ and others are not.”
Clarity can be developed over the time.
More clarity you have, better you know yourself. It also works for productivity. More clear you are on what you want to accomplish, more likely you are to get through initial feelings of laziness and tiredness and get stuff done even if you don’t necessarily feel like doing them.
Seek clarity so you can answer - who you are, what your values are, what your strengths are, what you need to work on. Be clear about your goal(s) and your passions.
“You are responsible for your reality. Decide what you want of the world and go make it happen. No clarity, no change, no goals, no growth.” Brendon Burchard
It really is up to you
Some people hope for a knight with shining armer to pop up, some people pray for God to come and fix everything for them, some people hope for universe to manifest it’s power and turn this messy situation into incredible life-experience.. the truth is, unless you get your hands dirty and fix what you feel needs fixing in your life, no one, let me say it again NO ONE will do it for you.
Of course, it is nice to believe in some power, higher than you, as long as you don’t give up your own power.
Because the power to change anything about your life, about yourself lies within you, this is simple concept, the one you perhaps heard many times before, but it is the true one, powerful one - so re-read it until it sinks in.
I can give you tips, advice, share with you what works for me, what it takes to get a grip of your own thinking, how to get productive to get things done to realise your wildest dreams. But only you can implement it!
Another major reason why people never begin working towards their goal is they have no clear plan on how to achieve it. In other words, they know their WHAT but have no idea HOW to accomplish it.
This is where having a coach who asked the right questions may be very useful.
ACTION: Once you have a goal, write it in the middle of the blank paper and brainstorm it out. Every step you need to make. It is as simple as it sounds.
Then when you decide on which of those steps you will take, this is where the road may get a bit difficult and you may face disappointment and hardship. If that happens, return back to sheet where you brainstorms ideas and pick another step.
With planning, it does not mean you have to have all the path figured out. For the start, think of 5 major moves which would make that goal happen. According to Brendon Burchard, the best selling author and online trainer, “it does not matter whether you know how to achieve your Five Moves at first. The important thing is that for every major goal you have, you figure out the Five Moves. If you don’t know the moves, you lose.” He continues to explain, that thanks to 5 moves he created business and life he loves, met USA presidents, created popular online courses. So if it worked for him, it can work for you too.
As you are working towards your goal, you will return back to brainstorm more, add ideas you had since then. Also according to research, planning improves performance especially if your goal or task is complex.
BENEFITS OF PLANNING
focuses your scattered thinking
completing a task of your to do list fires up dopamine in the brain - making you feel happy, motivated and rewarded
as said above, it increases your likelihood of achieving your goal
increases feeling of joy during project
Consider reviewing your goals every night, journal about them, visualise them (more about review, journaling and visualisation later on). This will help you sustain attention, motivation and effort.
Use your calendar productivity
Once you’ve created your plan to achieve your goal. You’ve got to start using your calendar and create blocks of time including your 5 major moves. This is when you have to get really serious about how you are going to use your time from now on.
Place specific steps into your calendar. Decide when you are going to work on specific tasks.
Some of the most followed productivity experts suggests you should review your plan (calendar) a night before or in the morning before you leave the house.
This brings us back to clarity. Be clear everyday what you want to accomplish.
What Mark Rhodes, author of Think your way to success adds is: “except just thinking of all the tasks you’ve got to make progress on or get done on the day, also add positive expectations to them as well. Expect the projects to go well, expect the meetings to go well, expect good things from your days.”
Expect good results at all times.
And if the things don’t work out the way you hoped for, remind yourself, it’ll work out better next time because you have learnt from this unsuccessful attempt.
This is also about letting bad feeling stay in the past rather than carry them with you to the next meeting, next day, next goal.
If you hold on to the bad feelings from yesterday, it’ll have the same negative effect on today.
You wont to break that cycle and release yesterday.
What we sometimes do is avoid taking action because the risks seem to high. Amy Morin, the author of the best selling book 13 things mentally strong people don’t do, lists out 7 questions you can ask yourself to help you evaluate the potential risk. Thinking of the goal you set for yourself, ask yourself these questions and assess the risk:
What are the potential costs?
What are the potential benefits?
How will this help me achieve my goal?
What are the alternatives?
How good would it be if the best-case scenario are true?
What is the worst thing that could happen and how could I reduce the rest it will occur?
How bad would it be if the worst-case scenario did come true?
Get to know yourself
“Spending time alone, whether you choose to meditate or you use some quiet time to simply reflect on your goals, is the best way to really get to know yourself. Just like it’s important to spend quality time with loved ones that you want to get to know, it’s imperative that you spend time getting to know yourself. Developing an improved sense of self-awareness can help you continue to recognise what’s holding you back from reaching your full potential.”
When reading book The fire starter sessions from Danielle LaPorte, I came across 10 amazing questions she lists as perfect question to learn more about yourself and gain insights, try them out on yourself:
What do you know to be true, unquestionably beyond doubt, certain with every cell of your being, completely, passionately, righteously certain?
What was the dumbest thing that you used to believe in? What changed your mind?
What do you know the most about?
Why do you do what you do?
One word: breakthrough. What comes to mind?
What has been one of your most memorable experiences in your career?
What global policy, credo, practice, or law would you like to decree?
What experience tested your mettle but make you a better person?
Finish this sentence: ‘It’s a good day when….”
10.When was the last time you thought, ‘yes, that person has so got it going for themselves…”
We live in the fast pace world. You order something and can get it next day. Or buy it online, stream it and enjoy the whole course or book in an instance.
The way we live does not help us develop any patience. Therefore when it comes to goal, we expect instant results and if that does not happen, we’re disappointed and ready to give up.
Expecting immediate results means setting yourself up for failure. Most of us, underestimate how long it’ll take to achieve goal and accomplish the task. If by set time we don’t achieve desired results, we start thinking we’re not good enough, not build for running own business, we feel worse about ourselves which drives us to abandoning the goal all together.
Instead of focusing on the end result, focus on the journey, what stills you need to develop, what person you need to become in order to achieve your goal.
I know this may sound contradictive as so far all I was talking about how important it is to set goal. Of course, you’ve got to have end result, the end goal, the place you’re heading towards and the art of getting there lies in enjoying the journey. When you focus on the journey you will not let your life just pass by, you will experience joy and happiness rather than keep postponing it to one day some day when I have this or that…
Know that you will accomplish what you want but also be present and enjoy what you already have. I’ll be diving into this subject in more details later on.
The author, Danielle LaPorte, says is the best way in the her book The desire map:
“When we decide that the journey matters as much as the result, and that we want to have a good time most of the time: we radically alter our personal definition of success.”
Remember when we talked about the definition of success. Knowing what you know now, go back and review yours. Do you need to update it. Change it completely? Or, Are you happy with it?
Delayed gratification, willpower and self-discipline
I’ve done a lot of research around delayed gratification to give you ‘perfect’ solution how you can avoid wanting to see instant results. However, the best advice out there offers this - Set realistic time-frame for your goal and understand right from the start - it’s going to be long journey, longer than you expect.
This is where self-discipline and gratitude come in so handy. I’ll be diving into gratitude a bit more later on.
Self-discipline is one of the pillars of the success. Whether it is your goal achievement, your life’s success, career success, academic success.
Stronger self-discipline you can develop, better chances you give yourself to accomplish what you set out to do.
Earlier I’ve covered how you set goals and what you need to do to ensure is in place for you to be able to accomplish your goals including 5 moves from Brendon Burchard, Planning and Using your calendar. You’ve got to discipline yourself to take action on the plans you’ve got scheduled in. There’s no way around it. As I’ll be explaining at the end of this training, without action there’ll be no rewards, no results, no change.
You’ve got to get off your butt and take action.
What if you lack self-discipline?
If you don’t feel, you’re self-disciplined, you can start and develop more self-discipline by setting small goals (mini goals) and disciplining yourself to work on them when you said you would. Or by sticking to the plans you’ve made once you make that commitment, stick to it.
The way you think about your goal makes all the difference.
You’ve got to think about your goal in the correct way. You may be wondering - well how do I do that? You need to think about your goal in “a way that engages the most powerful parts of your brain and make things happen.”
Later on, I will be explaining the importance of the right mindset and we will uncover the beliefs that may be holding you back.
For now, I want you to pay attention to your daily thought flow around your goal and expectations there of.
You set goals and after hard work expect the results. But remember when I said, it’s the journey that’s imperative, well most of us expected failure daily. We go for interview and think of how we won’t get the job we want. We search for extra income thinking - it’s never that easy for us, the luck is not on our side. We stop ourselves from speaking up at meeting believing no one will be interested in what we have to say anyways.
Here’s the deal, you may be expecting to accomplish your goals in the long run, however if your daily expectations are negative then that is what the overall outcome will be.
That’s why the success is in the detail, in the daily details, the way you think from minute to minute not someday one day.
Expectations are what we think or hope to happen. Each of us have expectations, sometimes you may be aware of them and sometimes you may not.
When expectations are met, it has a good affect on you, on the contrary, when they are no, it can have hindering consequences.
As author Amy Brann explains in her book Neuroscience for Coaches: “Expecting something positive to happen can have the effect of reducing anxiety.”
You’ve heard of placebo effect, that’s all about expectations. Consider this: Is it no amazing what your mind can do when it expects positive outcome?
They are yet another ingredients in successfully achieving goals we want. No matter what you do daily, expect the good things, good outcome. With good expectations comes enthusiasm and enthusiasm is contagious. If you enter meeting with enthusiasm, other people will feel it and be enthusiastic too. You’ll create a good energy around which enhances better results.
“Here’s the white-hot truth: if you go bankrupt, you’ll still be okay. If you lose the gig, the lover, the house, you’ll still be okay. If you sing off-key, get beat by the competition, have your heart shattered, get fired…. it’s not going to kill you. Ask anyone who’s been through it.”
No matter what is going to happen, you’re going to be ok. If your expectation is - no matter what - I will be ok, I’ll handle it, I will figure it out - you will achieve exactly what you want while enjoying joyful life.
Choices & decisions
To conclude this first section, as the title explain, it is much easier for you to make the right choices if you know what it is you want. My hope for you is that as the result of what I covered here with you, you’ve come to clarify what you want and what you will be working towards achieving from now on. As the result, this will help you make better choices for you daily.
Most of us believe that decision making is rational process, not necessarily. Many decision making is done unconsciously based out our stored memories, values systems, our past emotional responses, past experiences and filters we use to process information. That is why I will be returning to decision making once we learn more about our mindset, thoughts and belief systems.
Did you find this helpful? Let me know about your take-aways in the comments below. If you’re interested in accessing the rest of the training, continue here.